Taking in those unforgettable moments
Thursday, February 25, 2010
There is the obvious gifts of our sons. This is by far one of the most amazing gifts. Our boys will bless us ten times over what we could ever do for them. I hear often that they are so lucky, so fortunate, to have us as parents, for the opportunities they will have, and to come to America. While so many think that might be lucky, I disagree. It was through unfortunate circumstances that we get to become parents. I really wish there was no need for adoption. I truly wish our boys were in a happy, loving, sustainable home with their biological parents. Unfortunately, that isn't the case.
As much as I want to be a mom, my heart is breaking for them. They have been through so much and their world is about to turn upside down. I only pray that God has prepared Nick, S, D, and I for each other. I am not naive. I know that we will have melt downs, tantrums, grief, loss. I just pray that we are equipped to deal with their past. These boys have lost one set of parents. I pray they know that they won't loose us. We are here to stay through the good and the bad. They are a gift.
Through this process, I have learned God's love much more thoroughly. I see how much God's heart breaks for children. My goodness. They are helpless much of the time. They are often looked at as belongings, an inconvenience, or nuisance. I recently finished a great book. It is written by the CEO of Compassion International. It is Too Small to Ignore. He writes about how all of the worst crimes or actions are saved for children. Rape.. rape of a child. Abuse... Child abuse. Trafficking... Child trafficking. See what he means. These children do not often have a voice. My heart breaks. This is a wonderful gift. I want to be miserable for them.
Becoming a parent to a child you have not met, birthed, touched... is truly teaching me the meaning of unconditional love, that agape love that God so perfectly displays. When Nick and I started dating, there was of course the sparks, fireworks etc. Then we got married. The sparks seemed to intensify as we learned about each other even deeper. After almost six years of marriage the sparks are definitely there. I thought our love was unconditional. But realistically it isn't. We work to stay in love. And there are conditions. We promised to love, respect, trust, and be honest to each other. I know that Nick would never cheat on me. But if he did I don't think I could say "I love you unconditionally". It's amazing if you can. I just don't know if I could ever get past that. There are definitely conditions. Follow them and of course I will love you always.
However... I don't think there is one thing that would ever betray my love for these boys. I know there will be times where I might think that we were crazy for starting this journey, times of disappointment, shock, sadness. But I know I would never turn my back on them. I also know that being a parent means making difficult choices, that might hurt, but in the end will benefit them. I will always love them. More than I do today. That is a gift.
This process has really given me some insight to God's love. And I am sure that our human hearts, brains, souls can truly only love a minute fraction of what God is capable. And if God's love for me is similar to the love I feel for S and D multiplied an infinitesimal amount, I feel peace. No parent is going to knowingly let their child perish without doing everything possible to redirect them. So this journey may have been God's way of making difficult, painful, uncomfortable decisions for us to make us understand his love. And that is the Greatest gift of all.
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
We had our travel conference with our agency today. We were given all of the travel details. Went through our immigration paperwork. Talked about cultural sensitivity. And then discussed parenting children in our circumstances. It is starting to feel surreal. I am so anxious.
We found out today that all of the documents are ready, we are just waiting for the negative TB tests. Hopefully they will be administering them today and can check negative results on Friday. What I am not sure of is, because of the time difference it is Thursday in Ethiopia now. Do they check results of TB on Saturday? I hope so. Because if they don't; that would mean that they won't do the test till Monday, find the results on Wednesday. We leave Friday!!! Crazy. Nothing like living by the seat of your pants. Crazy!
So we continue to wait. The good news is that an extra embassy date was added. And it is the 15th so that would only delay our travels by a few days and I am thinking about just extending the travels. Still leaving at the same time. Since our room is booked and everything. We might be able to add two extra nights. I still have to talk to nick about this. So we will see.
I am trying to make Pediatrician appointments for our boys upon our return but am being given the run around. I can't make appointments with out a medical record number, I can't get medical record numbers until we get documents, can't get documents till we travel. See my dilemma, apparently I will be making appointments as soon as we return.
So we continue to wait and pray. I know that this adoption has brought Nick and myself so much closer to God. What a great God.
Monday, February 22, 2010
My poor long term sub. She has been ready to go since freakin' Novemeber. November! Oh well, at least she is a good sport. And she is great with kids. I am so ready. Every fiber of my body is crawling. I love it and hate it all in the same breath. We are learning, growing, loving a little more each day.
Thank you God. Thank you for the gift you have given us. I can not wait to love on them in person. Please keep them safe and brave, Lord. Let their hearts be prepared for us and ours for them. Give us the strength and patience needed to learn about each other. Send us support and strength when needed. Equip us with the tools needed to provide for our sons. Lord, we praise and worship you. Thank you for being the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow. Thank you for keeping your promises Lord. Amen
Saturday, February 20, 2010
Moving our travel to the week ahead worked out for us. The Guest house we are staying at was booked so the upgraded us to a suite for free. We now have our own kitchen and living area while we are in country. Plus the airfare is thirteen dollars cheaper per person. And we get to stay one extra day. So we really hope this is our travel day.
Today was another work day around the Crain household. Here is the list of accomplishments:
- Finish closet to home office conversion
- Deep clean master bedroom (under the bed and everything)
- Fill prescription for travel meds
- File taxes
- Take care of ticket (we don't even own the car anymore)
- Wash all of the kids clothing
- Make a list of things to buy for the trip
- Miscellaneous shopping
- Print and hang some of the boys pictures.
There is much more to do but it feels good to be moving forward. Please continue to pray for efficiency and hopefully we will be in Ethiopia in two weeks.
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
I am anxiously waiting for the Hubbards to return from Ethiopia next week. They took a photo album of Nick and I to each of the boys. I so hope that they were able to video them while they are looking at the pictures and someone is reading and translating the letter. Well time will tell
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
The love and affection they were showing yesterday is definitely something to celebrate.
Monday, February 15, 2010
Saturday, February 13, 2010
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
This translates to a 3.5
and this translates to about a 12.
Plus she had some wonderful things to say about them, "I didn't realize these were your boys. They caught my eye on the waiting child list and I was praying for them to find a family. They are absolutely beautiful. Dawit is as sweet as he can be. He kept sharing all his goodies with anyone he could. My son and Sintayehu played basketball and were big buddies. You are so lucky. They are absolutely precious, I am so happy they are going to be yours!!!!"