Saturday, March 28, 2009

Public Speaking

I am a natural talker.  I talk for a living and literally I spend most of my spare time looking for someone else to talk to and listen to.  Yet, last week our Pastor asked my husband and I to speak at church this week to give our testimony about a sustenance fast we had done a few weeks. Instantly my stomach turned.  So why is it that when you have to speak in front of a large crowd we get nervous?  Any answers?  Let me know.  I will update you on how it goes.

Wednesday, March 18, 2009


It continuously amazes me the number of reasons that we cry.  I am a crier so it does not bother or make me uncomfortable to cry in front of people or have some one cry in front of me.  But still, I can't get over all the different emotions that lead to tears.  There can be tears of sympathy, pain, denial, joy, humbleness, confusion, frustration, bewilderment and and then there is the onion.  I had a student break down today after trying to talk to him about his homework habits for the last two months.  This student generally says very little, but finally broke down and didn't stop for a good twenty minutes.  He has a hard home life and let it all out today.  So while he was crying tears of frustration and loneliness and I joined him with tears of sympathy.  

Later today, another student received his first  100% on a benchmark (these are big tests) and he had joyous tears stream down his face.  Again I joined him in his triumph.  Emotions come in such a range and every single one could end in tears.  So I ask you, what was your last emotion that brought you to tears.  I hope they were tears of joy.  It is such a biological process that means so much.

Friday, March 13, 2009


So the pink list is officially out. Today so many educators are struggling. It is so humbling and awakening. In our district only 28 people were given pink slips (lay-off notices), yet at our school there were four people. There are 16 elementary schools in our district and we had a seventh of the the lay-offs. We knew they were coming, we know they are not official (the state has to finalize their budget by May even though there is a special election on May 19th) yet today 28 families in HUSD (9,000 in LAUSD) are worried about how to pay their mortgage, bills, for food next year. It is quite amazing how quickly the budget and security was ripped out from underneath us.

We seem to go through life pretty unscathed. But there are many bumpy roads, (uncomfortable and unforeseen) yet we seem to land on our feet here in America. The time ahead will hopefully bring family and friends together. It is my prayer that we return to a less materialistic time and focus on God, relationships, and our character. Let's face it... everything else is just stuff. It will break, become obsolete, disappear, or become unwanted. If we focus our time and energy in each other, we don't need all that junk.

I will be praying for a sense of comfort and hope for all those around Hemet, the country, and around the world tonight.

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Think Pink

Well March 15th is approaching and it is a very sad day for education.  People around the state of California are going to feel this budget crunch in ten years; when these kiddos hit the work force. It is amazing that the budget is being balanced on the future of our children.

With all that being said, Hemet Unified has done an exceptional job finding ways to preserve jobs.  With the original prediction of 200 pink slips being administered we were all panicking. Today the official word came out that there will be 28.  That's amazing.  So every teacher will be wearing pink on Friday to support those who will be let go.  I will be praying for wisdom. Wisdom of politicians, administrators, teachers, parents, voters.  I will be praying for patience.  It is hard to teach when your heart is not in it.  And last I will be praying for overall peace in this difficult time.  

Monday, March 9, 2009

YEAH!!! Good news today...

The girl I want to share a contract with next year is a definite go. The only hang up is she teaches first and would like to stay there and I teach fifth and would like to stay there so it is up to God. I will leave it to Him to help make the choice.

The other set of good news. I did not realize that our fee schedule was locked into place. So the fees I thought were increasing weren't. Thank the Lord. We weren't sure where we could come up with the increase.

Finally finished massive amounts of photo editing. Time to send them off to clients and hope they refer more clients.

I am enjoying the Children's Hope Yahoo group. In one day I have already received many welcomes and no longer feel like we are so alone in the process. It is wonderful to converse with people in a similar situation. I have many friends that are preggers or have recently given birth but the wait is much different. The wait is for an unknown. Unknown date, unknown ages, genders, abilities, children. It is a very weird feeling.

Many times I feel guilty for being so eager for a mother to give up her child. At what point does my selfish want and need for a family become ill-willed. Very few people have understood what I am saying. Many people act like adoption is this self sacrificing act. Isn't that what parenthood is all about. Doesn't every good parent sacrifice their own needs and wants for what is best for their child? I think adoption is only self-sacrificing for the birth family. They have truly given a sacrifice for their child. I can not imagine the feeling. It must be an infinite amount harder than facing infertility and waiting a short while for your children. To give them up and never know what has become of them. These mothers are truly angels.

Tonight's prayers will focus on a mother's love and grief.

Sunday, March 8, 2009

On the creative side. Here are are a few photos I have taken recently. If you know anyone getting married, having a baby or want a great family portrait send them to







It's official

Well I am an official blogger... I am starting this to occupy time while we wait for our children to be referred to us. We have been on this journey for one and a half years now. We have been on the waiting list exactly 6 months today. I know God has an amazing family planned for Nick and I but some days it is so hard to not know. I have been reading many blogs today, looking at all of the beautiful faces of those who have been united with their family and are done waiting. Everyone says the time goes so fast... It does, until you are waiting for something special.

I feel as though I am destined to watch other people's children forever. I am a teacher to 30 wonderful 10, 11, 12 year olds. Youth sponsor to 25 teenagers and unofficial nursery cordinator to a fluctuating 10-12 babies and toddlers. I only have Saturdays to spend without children and yet I constantly find myself drawn to friends that have children.

We spent this weekend watching a friends two year old. At no point this weekend, did I think this is hard. Though I was only babysitting, it felt so completely right, (even when she was sleeping sideways in our bed). I have read all of the books, read the blogs, taken classes, prayed daily, now we are ready. Save one point, the fee's keep increasing. Every time we seem to get a handle on the amount we need, there is a new fee or increased fee thrown our direction. It is all very frustrating so I give all to God. It is in Your hands. We have always been provided for and I am sure this is not one exception.