I have bitten my nails to stubs, paced the hallway, toss and turn all night, cleaned the house, made to do lists. None of them actually keep my mind from racing. I am very nervous about the whole thing. A family, who has been through the same number of upsets, didn't pass for the second time this week. My heart aches for them. I cried when I read her blog. I cried for there precious little girl. I cried for the empty nursery they have to walk by. I cried for the additional weeks that they will miss in her life. Then I cried for us. I cried for fear. Fear of not passing for a ridiculous piece of paper that isn't signed. I pray for certainty that we pass first time through. I pray. I pray. I pray and that is the only time I feel safe from the uncertainty.
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Anticipation
Ok, so we have 4 days until court and I feel like I am going to explode. This is crazy. I don't care for it at all. To make matters worse, Nick is leaving tomorrow for the week. He has been out of town for all of the transitions of this adoption. When we were approved for the addendum and received our first pictures of our sons, Nick was in San Luis Obispo. When we found out the adoption was on hold, he was in a very important meeting. Now while we are waiting to find out if S and D are ours, he will be in San Francisco. What a ride.
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1 comment:
When I read this it reminded me so much of the week before we had court and how afraid I was of something going wrong...it had in the past(as you well know!). During that week I took comfort in a devotional my mother in law gave to me. Today when I read this I thought of this scripture...Philippians 4:6-7 I am sure you have relied on this as much as I have throughtout all of this...and I am praying with you that you will pass the first time and be making many more lists preparing for your little guys to arrive! PRAYING!!!!
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