18 more hours

So I have been praying all day. Long prayers, short prayers, interspersed throughout the day with all my 5th graders. I have such a knot in my stomach. I know not to expect to pass, but it's our turn. We have hit so many dang bumps I think we actually flipped upside down. So I am trying to stay calm. Every time I feel nervous, I just look to the maker. If He can create all life in seven days, this should be cake.

So tomorrow I may be legally a Mom maybe not. The thing I know for sure is I am a Mom through my heart. Check back tomorrow to find out.

Dear Heavenly Father,

Thank You for being the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow. I come before You knowing that I am insignificant and unworthy, Yet You tell us You know the hairs of our head. You created us in our mother's womb. There is promise upon promise that You have made Lord. And you have always kept Your word. Please God hear our prayers. Make us a family tonight. And if it is not your will for it to happen tonight; give us peace and serenity. I thank you Lord for being the Great One, our Maker, the Creator of all things. I pray that Your will be done.

Amen

Anticipation

Ok, so we have 4 days until court and I feel like I am going to explode. This is crazy. I don't care for it at all. To make matters worse, Nick is leaving tomorrow for the week. He has been out of town for all of the transitions of this adoption. When we were approved for the addendum and received our first pictures of our sons, Nick was in San Luis Obispo. When we found out the adoption was on hold, he was in a very important meeting. Now while we are waiting to find out if S and D are ours, he will be in San Francisco. What a ride.

I have bitten my nails to stubs, paced the hallway, toss and turn all night, cleaned the house, made to do lists. None of them actually keep my mind from racing. I am very nervous about the whole thing. A family, who has been through the same number of upsets, didn't pass for the second time this week. My heart aches for them. I cried when I read her blog. I cried for there precious little girl. I cried for the empty nursery they have to walk by. I cried for the additional weeks that they will miss in her life. Then I cried for us. I cried for fear. Fear of not passing for a ridiculous piece of paper that isn't signed. I pray for certainty that we pass first time through. I pray. I pray. I pray and that is the only time I feel safe from the uncertainty.

New Pictures!!!

This morning I woke up to find I had 3 new pictures of the boys. My goodness. I fall in love more every time I see them. They are absolutely beautiful. The extra treat was the video. It is only nine seconds but I have watched it at least 50 times already. Big S is saying "chow" and waving the whole time. We have been told by three families that Big S is absolutely adorable outgoing and has a great smile. The families also told us that Little D is really shy. It is apparent in all of the pictures. He doesn't look directly at the camera in any of the pictures.

I can't wait until I can reveal our beautiful boys. Hopefully Next Wednesday you will be able to see the boys that have captured our hearts. Please continue to pray for smooth sailing. We need to pass court, have the TB tests completed and a confirmed March 18th embassy appointment. We are ready for them to be here, in their rooms.

I can't wait for the sound of laughter. IT is the BEST sound in the whole world.

Ps. Thank you Julie

Only in California

Only in California can you go to the beach on Tuesday...

My dad and Grandpa enjoying the surf and sunset

And Play in the snow on Friday!!!

Look at all that beautiful snow...

I know California has it's share of problems (and taxes)

but I don't think I could live anywhere else.

Same old... till it isn't

So I had planned on Blogging about my hair cut (Which I love by the way) and about the beautiful weather we had this weekend (4-6 in of snow which is rare for us). Buuuuuutttt today Ashley (our case worker) called us with our court date. And it's next week!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am so excited. I know that we still have to pass before I can start making plans, but next week. It is the first break we have seem to catch. I just emailed Ashley yesterday asking if there was any news. She had said no news and that there are some families that received referrals in December that were still waiting for a date so it could still be a while. After I had myself a good cry and then a very long prayer, I picked up my class from recess and went about my day.

But this morning, while I was working on report cards, (those kids probably received elevated grades :) Ashley called and told me that we received a court date and it is for February the third. Next Wednesday. She was teared up on the other end. This has been a long journey. I cried. Called Nick. Cried some more. My coworker walked in. Told him. Cried some more. Then called my parents. Cried more. Realized they will be on a cruise while we are in Ethioipia. Oh Well.

My class thinks I am nuts I am sure, but they got to waste like 35 min while they asked me questions about Ethiopia, when we would leave, who their sub would be. They were really excited. Maybe they were excited to have a sub who knows. But there was lots of cheering and smiling going on in G-10 this morning.

So now that all this said, PLEASE continue to pray. We need a smooth court hearing. I don't know if I could handle not passing. I am fragile these days. Well, I know I would survive, God will get us through. But it would be such a huge blessing to pass the first time. Which most families do. We have just had more difficulty than most. Oh yeah, We could maybe travel as soon as March 13th for a March 18th Visa appointment. That's like in 6 weeks. Hallelujah!!! So Please continue to pray. I don't trust any of this to fate or luck. I trust it all to Him.

Control

Tomorrow I am cutting and changing the color of my hair. I probably wouldn't be cutting my hair off if I felt like I had control of much of my life, but I don't. I can however, control the cut and color of my hair.

I have been trying to grow it out for a year and a half but it's getting to a ratty stage, so tomorrow, I will come home with a new style and color. I am staying rational and making sure its long enough that I can still throw it up. This is important because its curly and I wont have time to blow dry it all of the time, (hopefully in the near future). I'll post a pic of the new do tomorrow.

Worry

Today I was told by three different people not to worry about our adoption. Know that it is all in God's Hands and not to be anxious about it. This is highly offensive. I know it is in God's hands. I know God controls all things. But bad things still happen. As any parent worries about their children; so do I. I know I have not met my children yet, but if anyone else's children were in a third world country with no idea of how they are, where they are, what they are doing etc. they would WORRY too!

I have been made to feel like a bad believer because I am worried for my children. Am I wrong to worry about the safety, health, well being of my children because I haven't met them yet? I am sorry but I don't think I have any less faith because I worry about them. What I don't worry about, is how we are going to handle any issues that come our way because of their time in orphanages, attachment issues, psychological health. I know that God will lead the way and show us the path to the right therapists, doctors, and parenting skills. I trust in the Lord with all of my mind, heart and soul. If I didn't, I would have given up a LONG time ago. But yes, I am constantly worried for them. I HATE this time. It's miserable. It is the worst feeling ever. I know very few people can relate or understand. I know my love for my children will grow so much more once we are together; but the love I have right now is stronger than any other love I have ever had for a person. So to be separated from your children because of bureaucracy is torture.

I feel like crying on most days. Every time I see children our boys' age leads me to agony. Yesterday we were riding the train to the beach. It was Nick's first train ride :). In the seat behind us was the cutest little boy. His hair was about the same length as little D's (in his latest picture) He was the exact same age. I almost cried as I watched him play, talk to his mom, and then ask to sit on her lap. My heart ached for the moment when I will be able to play, talk with and comfort our sons. Every day is one more day of their childhood that we are missing. One more day that they are a number, statistic, dare I say orphan. I am sick of this. Why should they remain orphans for so long after we said yes? In fact I believe we cried yes. God said yes. Yes this will be your family. Please continue to pray for a court date soon.

Heavenly Father,

I know my ways are not your ways. I know my understanding is not as yours is. I thank you and praise you for all that you have done. For no other could form such a beautiful life. No other could coordinate such a spectacular world. I thank you for your mercy and grace for I know I am not deserving. Lord, I ask that you protect Little D and Big S. Keep them safe and brave. I ask that you surround them with your angels. Place them in the hands your workers. I ask that soften the hearts of the officials in Ethiopia and you move the court process quickly. I know you know the pain of a parent, Lord. I pray that you grant Nick and I peace as we continue to wait. I ask that you continue to send love and support through our brothers and sisters in you. I ask all these things in your name,

Amen

No News and Life Keeps Ticking Away

Well we haven't heard anything from our agency all last week or this week. I was hoping for a miracle or someone one in the courts to say "let's rush this since it has already been a while." But so far nothing.

Luckily it's a busy time at work. We are starting to prep the students for the dreaded State Testing. (I know testing is in April, but we start practicing skills, types of questions, and sample tests now.) It is amazing how much pressure we put on our children. I am so nervous for our kids to start school. They will be at such a disadvantage. And personally as an educator and soon to be Mom, I could care less about those tests. I have three important questions for my students to answer at the end of the year.

1. Did you try your hardest, even if you didn't like the assignment, subject, or teacher? (most of the time?)

2. Were you respectful to all the students and teachers?

3. What did you learn about yourself in the past ten months?

If I do my job right, the student's will learn to read more effectively, acquire new math skills, discover science, and learn American History. But if I truly teach them about life, they will be pushed to their limits, where they will learn about themselves. I will treat them with respect, showcasing each of their unique talents (sometimes, these are quirks). And they will try their best because they want to learn.

None of these skills are tested however. We are raising a group of children, to be multiple choice thinkers. Which is the best answer without having to create a sentence of their own. We are creating self-centered learners. Just do better than those around you to prove your worth. We are creating a genuine indifference to learning because they are learning what they have to and not what they want to.

So as we start to prepare for the CST's, life will keep ticking away. This is both good and bad. Keeps me busy, but reminds me that we have so much to do.

Good news, still a long wait

So on Sunday, we were told that our case will get to move forward. So for 2 1/2 weeks we knew that our case was not going to be heard. Well this weekend the MOWA changed their mind about our case. It was the best news we have ever heard. So where does this put us?

We are basically back at square one. Our paper work has been turned in. Which means our case has been applied for a court date. Typically, a court date will be assigned in 4-6 weeks. The date is usually another 4 weeks later and then there is a tentative Embassy date 4-6 weeks later, which is when we would travel. So long as we pass court on the first time, it is 18 weeks at the longest before we will go.

So we could have our boys by Mid May I guess. So PLEASE PRAY for expediency; I would prefer March at the latest. While we are praising God for his faithfulness, there is still a long road ahead of us.

We got lots of pictures on Monday from a wonderful family that traveled to the orphanage. They have grown so much. I was also able to talk with her about them. She said our youngest is REALLY shy, (its very apparent in the pictures). He would only whisper to her. We were able to send small gifts to them and they were very excited to get them. She said our oldest was outgoing, happy and friendly. She said they both looked healthy. Such good news to hear. Last night was the first night that I have slept through the night in at least two months. Pure Bliss.

Thank you for all of the support. Please, please keep praying for us. We have hit so many bumps, I don't know what reality is anymore. I know our God will deliver. It's so hard to let it be in his time. But I have given it over again.

Hallelujah!!! HOW GREAT IS OUR GOD

Great news today!!!! The boys are at the transition home and our case will be heard. No court date yet, very few details. But one new pic. They have grown so much in the last six months.

Our God is so faithful. The sermon today was about the power of prayer. I will link it to my next post if you want to hear. As soon as I find out more info I will let you know. Thank you for your prayers the last 2 1/2 weeks. Please continue to pray for expediency. We still have a long way to go.

We need to get a court date, pass court and then be scheduled an embassy appointment. So we might still be looking at 10 -12 weeks before we travel. But the unknown ban has been lifted. Have a great Sunday night.

Praise the Lord. I am thankful in all things. Thankful that you are awesome.